Bigotry

  I really cannot abide ignorance and bigotry.
Unfortunately there is too much of it in the world today. In this post i want to try and talk about my views on the quite frankly disgusting discrimination against ALL Muslims. Now before i get people screaming at me about the atrocities committed by disturbed men and women in the name of Islam let me state that I in no way, shape or form sympathise with or condone what those sickos do! 

 What i am talking about here in this post is the decent, peaceful, hard working Muslims who contribute to society and would never dream of hurting anyone. These people are being banded in with the sickos when they are in fact just as disgusted by what the extremists do as you are.

  I have friends and family who would normally never dream of being xenophobic or hateful towards someone because of their colour or religion and yet because of recent events have been seen to post all sorts of anti Islam pictures, comments and frankly, vile slurs against all Muslims.

  Recently in the UK an innocent young soldier was murdered. In broad daylight, in the street, by two men who were apparently Muslim extremists. Obviously the perpetrators of this sick and vile act should be punished as severely as possible. Again as i said before i do not sympathise with these disgusting excuses for human beings nor am I condoning anything they have done.  What I am doing though is venting my...disappointment i guess i would call it, disappointment in the reaction of society. Yes, we SHOULD be angry. We SHOULD be outraged. we SHOULD demand they get punished and that things like this aren't allowed to happen again. What we SHOULDN'T do is post pictures, comments etc like "Kill all Muslims" or "Lets go Nigger Hunting!" (Yes, sadly this was an actual comment i saw shortly after the Woolwich atrocity in which the murderer was a black Muslim.)

  Not all Muslims are terrorists. They are just as horrified by the extremists as we are. Decent, non extremist Muslim leaders have spoken out very publicly about this. They want to stop this stuff happening just as much as we do. I know people are sickened and angry by what happened but it didn't happen just because they are followers of Islam, it happened because they were sick in the head and an equally sick in the head person incited hatred in their hearts for their fellow human beings.

  Before you post comments or pictures screaming for all Muslim's to be hanged or worse, just stop and think for a second. By allowing the racial/religious hatred to be stirred in our hearts we are playing straight into the extremist's dirty hands. They want us to be divided, they want us to be scared in our own country, they want the fear and hatred to explode and bring us to our knees whilst they sit back and watch it all whilst rubbing their hands together at the fact that their sick as hell plans are working.

 I really debated for a long time whether to publish this post at all but at the end of the day i feel this needs saying and i would rather be yelled at (again) for pointing out things i have said here today than to sit back and watch ourselves be turned against each other. Once we allow the hate inside our souls it is a slippery slope. It's Muslims now....whats next? :(

I'm back...For now!

  I haven't posted here for a long time. In fact i hadn't even thought about this blog for months, forgot i had even done it. But today i felt like writing. When i wrote on this blog before yes it was an outlet for me but mainly i was trying to write what i thought people would think was interesting. Well this time i'm writing for me so if its boring then meh so be it. If it makes me feel better that's what matters right?

 I have decided to try and make myself a better person. This isn't self pitying crap, it's a fact. Sometimes i can be fucking hell to be around and i intend to change. I want to be better for me, for my son and for my partner. But mainly for me to be honest. I know that sounds selfish but it is actually probably a good thing. You can only change if you TRULY want to. You have to do it for yourself or you never really change at all, you just get better at masking it.

 I drink too much. I know i do. I have issues which are only made worse by the drink that i use to try and find solace from my issues. Lol how stupid is that? Trying to medicate myself against myself by drinking and it only makes the issues worse! Today i am waking up. I have been drifting in a sea of self pity and fear for too long and now i am kicking myself in the ass and getting my shit together. 

 So, i guess this is going to be kind of a diary of me getting my shit together. If no-one reads it then its no biggy, in fact its probably better that they don't because i am going to be brutally honest as much as i can. If you are reading this then umm hi! thanks for reading and i hope you don't fall into a coma from the boredom! :p

 There is a distinct possibility that i will stop writing here again. I have a bad tendency to flit between hobbies etc. I will find something new, get completely sucked into it almost to the point of obsession and then all of a sudden lose interest and stop doing it just like that. So, um yeah, enough rambling. This is my blog, if you are reading it then welcome to the ups and downs of me (unless i get bored or something!)

Think before you speak

   I have taken a break from writing for a few days as I was really feeling crappy and didn't want to fill this page full of it if I could help it. I seem to be coming out of it again now :)

  I've been thinking the last couple of days about words and the power that they can have over people without the person who speaks them realizing it. What is a throw away remark for one person could be very damaging for the person it is said to. It can be hurtful, humiliating or just downright mean.

  I've had my issues with peoples words affecting me extremely badly but I've decided now that I am NOT going to let what other people say or think control who i want to be or what I want to say. What gives them the right to put me down or mock me just because I am different to them and who made them my judge in the first place?

  If some people don't like me or think I am a "freak" so what? I don't need everyone's approval to feel good about myself. As long as the people I love and care about think well of me then screw the people who like to put me down just so they can feel a bit better about their own little lives.

 I am going to be so much more careful with what i say to people from now on. I have no right to put anyone down just as they don't have one to put me down. If people just consider what they say to someone before they say it maybe we would have a little less hurt around.

meh

   I went out last night and today i truly feel like shite. Not a hangover just depressed. Can't wait for my little man to come home so i can give him nice big cuddles and feel a bit better. I realized last night I am pretty much alone in my little reclusive world. I have like one friend in this town and the rest of my friends live in my computer...well on facebook but you get what I mean.

  The thing is I want to get out more and make friends but the thought of it terrifies me. I am just me and it seems that is not a very popular thing to be round here. But meh enough of the whining, I was hoping writing on here would be an outlet for some of the bad stuff but reading it back it just looks like whining.

   I know life is what you make it but at this precise moment I couldn't care less about anything other than my baby boy and a very good friend of mine who I wish was here. Sorry if you came here looking for the usual positive spin on stuff but i did warn you there would be downs on this ride...

Random Poem

  Bit of poetry today.


 I realized I was standing on the edge of life one day,
Watching everyone else go by,
Whilst I was sat there stuck in my way..

My life was slowly slowly slipping away,
I realized I had to begin to try,
Or where I was is where I'd stay.

So now i try to live for today,
To not sit and stew about why,
But love and laugh and even play.

Life is too short to waste away,
To sit and wallow and cry,
So make sure you value every day.


There we have it, my attempt at a poem :) It's not much but it's what i was feeling today and that is the whole point of this blog. To have an outlet for the random stuff that bounces round in my head. Have a good day where ever you are.

 

A son's love

    In my "about me" section I say i have a lot of ups and downs. I woke up on a down today. I try to shake the fog and pull myself out of it but its hard. I could barely get out of bed. But i got up, went downstairs and sorted out breakfast for my son and hearing his chatter and seeing his gorgeous little smile is starting to pull me out.

   My son is my world. He is the reason i get up most mornings and keeps me from being completely submerged in my depression. I worry so much that i am failing him. He is such a bright little boy, full of smiles and laughter. It heals my heart and soul just to look at him.

   I realize I am not alone in feeling anxious about failing my son. Most parents I know worry about it from time to time. Worry about whether they are a good parent, if they are doing right by their children and giving them what they need. As a good friend of mine keeps reminding me I give him an endless amount of love and  I try and give him stability and security despite my issues and the fact that we are a split parent family, these are what a child needs. Love, stability, security....its a good start i guess.

  Seeing him smile up at me and telling me he loves me makes my day.  I don't know if there is such a thing as god but my son is my little miracle and I can't quite believe how lucky I am to have him. He gives me the strength I need to carry on muddling through and striving to do the best i can. For him, for me and for us I WILL get better and be the best that I can be.He is my light at the end of the tunnel... I love you Tyler.

Unity

Charlie Chaplin Speech  <---- please click
 
    Please click on the link above and listen to Charlie Chaplin's final speech in the film The Great Dictator.

   This is linked with what i want to try and talk about today. In the video there is a political aspect but i am not going to get all political on you, I want to talk about the humanity and unity. All across the world today we see people being persecuted for who or what they are. Whether its because they are black, white, gay, religious or atheist, these are just some of the things that lead to hate and discrimination against each other. But why? Underneath our skin we are all human beings and as such deserve to be treated as equals no matter what our colour or creed.

   In this speech Chaplin notes how greed has poisoned men's souls and led to a world where our knowledge has made us cynical and our cleverness has made us hard and unkind. Unfortunately, all too often these days, this is becoming more and more frequently the case. All around the world we are seeing people suffering and we have become desensitized to the plight of our fellow man. Yes we shake our heads and say how sad but how many of us actually think about it for longer than the news report? I know i usually don't and that is pretty sad.

   We are all wrapped up in our own little worlds, closed off from the rest of our fellow man despite the technology which allows us to communicate, we remain isolated within ourselves. As Chaplin says the very nature of the technology cries out for brotherhood and unity, sadly though this is not the case. If anything i have seen technology used to further fuel hate and violence and discrimination, to cause death and destruction around the world.

   To quote directly from Chaplin's speech, "We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost."  Wise words. We should stop living so introspectively and start looking at what other people feel. Stop being so selfish and start working together for a better world. Yes this is idealistic and probably unrealistic but we have to have hope. Hope for a human race that will unify and live in harmony rather than hate. Hope for our future generations to live in a world where war and hate and suffering is a distant memory.  So if you only do one thing today try and make it a good thing, a random act of kindness or a good deed to help your neighbour, these are small things but hopefully they are the first steps toward a better place.