In my "about me" section I say i have a lot of ups and downs. I woke up on a down today. I try to shake the fog and pull myself out of it but its hard. I could barely get out of bed. But i got up, went downstairs and sorted out breakfast for my son and hearing his chatter and seeing his gorgeous little smile is starting to pull me out.
My son is my world. He is the reason i get up most mornings and keeps me from being completely submerged in my depression. I worry so much that i am failing him. He is such a bright little boy, full of smiles and laughter. It heals my heart and soul just to look at him.
I realize I am not alone in feeling anxious about failing my son. Most parents I know worry about it from time to time. Worry about whether they are a good parent, if they are doing right by their children and giving them what they need. As a good friend of mine keeps reminding me I give him an endless amount of love and I try and give him stability and security despite my issues and the fact that we are a split parent family, these are what a child needs. Love, stability, security....its a good start i guess.
Seeing him smile up at me and telling me he loves me makes my day. I don't know if there is such a thing as god but my son is my little miracle and I can't quite believe how lucky I am to have him. He gives me the strength I need to carry on muddling through and striving to do the best i can. For him, for me and for us I WILL get better and be the best that I can be.He is my light at the end of the tunnel... I love you Tyler.
George and Annabelle are my world too and believe that they are Patrick are the reason I wakes up in the morn the reason I breath the reason I am. My depression has hit me hard over the past 10 yrs. When i finally plucked uo the courage to see a dr about I my dr told me that I wasn't depressed I was just lonely because I was single! I'm now Married have 2 gorgeous kids a fab step daughter and now have a lovely little house and im still depressed!! Trying to conform to society and be what folk want me to be doesn't help and vein a big girl has its major downfalls. PND hit me hard with both which was made worst by breast feedin as for George bread was not best but Annabelle it def was but is she went into hospital with suspected meningitis at 4weeks I was getting I'll and stressed so wasn't eatin enuff so wasn't providing for her. One day I won't won't to take anti depressants and I can't wait for that day x
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel Bex. For years I have battled with depression and other issues and the doctors never did anything about it or just shoved me on pills and pushed me out the door. Now they are finally listening and i feel like its possible to move forwards. I too cant wait for the day when I am off the meds. I know I can do it and so can you. We have our children and families and a reason to keep fighting :)
ReplyDeleteTyler is very lucky to have a mom who loves him so much. All the best to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Winnie, its much appreciated :)
ReplyDelete*hugs* You twit.... you almost may me cried..... and of course Ty loves u.. you are an amazing mom.
ReplyDeleteThanks Lau i try my best to be, *hugs*
Delete